best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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