hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
