God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
