walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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