Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
