Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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