Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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