Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
