i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
