Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
