Can i not drive my cunt home
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
