it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
