Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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