hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
