it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
