I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
