John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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