Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
