Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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