Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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