In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
