Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
