i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
