we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we're so committed to being not committed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
