I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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