everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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