Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
