im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
