you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
