And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
