Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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