suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
