I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
