I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
