I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
