you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
