I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
