come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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