you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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