I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
