they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
