Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
