Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
