why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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