He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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