it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
