Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
