my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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