Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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