don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
