dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
