she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
