Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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