In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
