whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
