I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
