Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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