insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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