He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
