he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
