nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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