He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
