she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
