I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
