please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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