I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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