New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
