wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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