he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
