Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
