Sry I called you an 8
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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