My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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