Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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