everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
