Screwed.edu
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
