she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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